brainlizard asked: what is the difference between you and I
hazylion asked: umm actually yeah. and sometimes when i havent showered in like two weeks i feel like i prolly have some body odor but gurl you know i dont really! i still got another 2 weeks to go! :)
oh, are you going to the opera tonight, saggy crotch?– christypher pineapple head garrett (via littlewondrous)
Shut up, picante pants!– A South Park Police Officer
so many attractive bearded men on my dash
i can’t decide which ones to reblog!
Anonymous asked: What's the biggest penis you've encountered in your sex life?
Anonymous asked: How many best friends have you had in your life?
i'm so dumb
i put a want ad on craigslist for a goat i don’t know anything about taking care of goats my mom did not agree to let me have one buuut, if i come home with a goat she won’t just kick it out, right? and i can just go read the internet about taking care of goats.
Anonymous asked: I'd really like to have sex with you.
ways i could get a goat (and the pros & cons of...
-steal rescue one from the petting zoo. this is a good idea because they are mean to the goats and it makes me cry. when i went to the carnival i saw a goat with an open sore on his face where the bone was revealed. they also don’t feed the goats ‘cause they want you to pay to the feed the goats. greedy bastards. also, they will most likely not notice that one goat is missing because...
bigpoppa1992: i made a list of things i like and dislike about myself i came up with 2 likes and 54 dislikes
screamin fuck dem niggas who hatin my taco is the perfect taco out there for...– Brianna Goodwiener
cosmo tip #97
expertcosmotips: In honour of Movember, surprise your man by shaving your pubes into the shape of a mustache! The thoughtfulness is a sure turn-on! i would actually do this….
I DO NOT HAVE SAND IN MY VAGINA!– Kyle Broflovski
hazylion asked: wow we have the best cosmo tips. we shud b on the cosmo tips blawg. i gotta get him to fart into some jars some time so i can decor8 my room with them... i just dont know how to go about it :////
this is going to be the worst christmas ever...
BECAUSE I DON’T GET TO MEET/HUG/KISS/SLEEP WITH/MARRY HOODIE ALLEN. and also because i told everyone to stop buying me presents and just give me the money they would have spent on me but they will probably still buy me useless shit, anyway. SO THEN I ALSO PROBABLY WON’T BE ABLE TO GET ANY MOLLY. WORST CHRISTMAS EVER
girls are stupid
all of them. every single one. boys, too.
cosmo tip #76
expertcosmotips: get creative with your man! create art pieces by getting your man to fart into jars and then decorate your house with them
i feel like my only remaining option in life is drugs. seriously, though. because i tried everything i or anyone else could think of to change my life, and none of it worked because everything is still the same. so really. i feel like the only left to do is just die inside and be high all the time so i can forget about how much i hate my life like a fucking normal person.
i had a discussion with my best friend some weeks ago about how i felt we were drifting apart. it wasn’t a fun chat. he told me to text him the next day. i didn’t because i didn’t want to. he just texted me, all casual like, and i don’t know if i should text him back. on the one hand, i’m depressed and lonely and sad about my friendships and relationships (or lack...
not even my stupid cat wants to hang out with me.
i had a computer so i could play dress up games i’m REALLY heartbroken about this. seriously. this isn’t an attempt at humor. i fucking love dress up games.
i'm trying to say a lot right now
i’m just sad, and there’s no one to listen to me talk and have any concern for what i’m saying, because nobody likes me enough to tolerate my depressive episodes. and that makes me even more sad. so, in conclusion, i don’t see myself being less depressed anytime soon.
No one ever tells me that they love me.– homeless people (bless their hearts), stray cats, aborted fetuses, everything in your fridge that you never want to eat regardless of being incredibly hungry